Bullying in an electronic age

It used to be that when they were at home, kids were safe from the school bully. Yet, with younger and often less savvy children using communication technologies, that level of security has all but disappeared. Along with the good, all this access to technology has also created brand new ways for kids to be mean to each other whenever they want. Here are just a few examples:

• Instant messaging (IM) lets groups of kids have real-time online conversations. It also gives "buddies"-friends who know a person's screen name and password-the ability to pose as others when sending messages that insult and defame their victims.

• E-mail can be a quick form of communication. It can also be a virtually anonymous way to send hurtful comments to another person. To hide their identity, kids will use another person's screen name or a computer at a friend's home to fire off insults. A belief that what they write won't be attributed to them may encourage kids to be excessively cruel.

• Three-way calling from a telephone, particularly popular among middle school age girls, provides a way for kids to talk as a group when they're not together. But it can also become a bullying tool when a third person is secretly put on the line and an unknowing victim is encouraged to say embarrassing things about him or her.

Protecting your children from cyber-bullying

Because of its remote nature, cyber-bullying tends toward the spreading of rumors and gossip rather than physical intimidation. Emotionally, the middle school years are a very vulnerable time in children's lives-comments that may seem insignificant to us as adults can be devastating to kids.

In most cases, electronic bullying takes place outside of school, frequently from home phones or computers. For this reason, families play a vital role in helping prevent it from affecting their kids. Here are some suggestions:

• Educate yourself about the technologies your children are using. It can be intimidating when your kids know more than you do about technology, and, as a result, it can be more difficult to provide adequate supervision. At www.getnetwise.org and http://www.childrenspartnership.org/prnt/prnt.html, parents can learn more about the Internet and online safety.

• Talk with your children about the possible threat of online and electronic bullying. Whether you have reason to believe that they may take part in it or become victim to it, it is important to let them know that you are aware it happens and is an activity that you do not approve of.

• Place your computer(s) in a common space where you can keep an eye on it, not your children's bedrooms or another out of way space in your home. In many families, children are only allowed to use the computer when parents are at home and are required to ask before using the computer, both for homework and pleasure. This can help you be more aware of when they are online and what they are doing.

• Create a family computer use policy. At http://www.netsmartz.org/PARENTS/middleschool/pledge.html families can download an Internet safety policy to discuss with their children and post near the computer as a reminder of the rules.

• Watch you children's reactions when e-mail or Instant Messaging comes across their screens and ask them about the contents.

• If they have access to a cell phone, clearly lay out how it may be used. If it is for emergency use, insist that the phone number not be given to anyone other than family members. Although electronic methods of tracking and blocking unwanted telephone calls are commonplace, cell phone calls are much more difficult to screen and trace.

• Buy software that records instant messages. For more information, link to http://spam.getnetwise.org/tools/othertools

Tips about cyber-bullying for kids:

• Do not respond to electronic messages from people you don't know or to a bullying message.

• Limit who has your E-mail address or screen name.

• Report any form of electronic harassment to parents, school officials or the police.

Schools working to stem the tide of bullying

In 2000, New York Governor George Pataki signed into law Safe Schools Against Violence in Education Act (Project SAVE) in response to the rise of violence, including bullying, in schools. Not only does this law require schools to include lessons on good character from kindergarten through grade 12, schools now are required to have in place clear policies on how bullying in schools will be handled.

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